Can I Tell You a Secret?

Yesterday after studying for a few hours in a dark cubby in the library I decided to start writing about the worst three month period of my life. I don’t have the courage to but the whole piece up but I wanted to share the opening part.

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Can I tell you a secret? I need to be able to forgive myself and I’m not sure how else to do it.

They say the human spirit can endure anything, fire and famine, weather and war, but in truth most of us experience pain, that sensation telling us to stop and change or else we will not persist.

Children in Africa, Asia, South America and even blocks away here in New York must know that feeling of hunger, the one that turns your stomach upside down in knots tied tightly of pretzel dough to the point that food no longer sounds desirable. Many of them carry through the day, helping their families, going to school, and passively suffering not knowing a different time. But I knew a different time. I knew of a time when I felt strong and powerful, when I could run up a hill without my legs feeling like someone had glued them to the pavement, when I could study with out feeling frozen with tingling fingers and toes, when I could smile at the people I love. It was a time when I knew how to take care of myself. Given everything in a privileged life how does one choose to neglect his or her own health? Why do they choose to give up the very combination of things any third world child will be thrilled to have. In a life of gluttony we need control, and we have to fake scarcity. Only this scarcity does not make one stronger in mind and in soul. It is life draining, and as I found out, relationship draining…

 

I’m so glad that time is long over. I wonder how many girls go through the same thing without help from their relatives and friends. I wish I could have told my secret when it mattered most.